A Valentine Murder Cruise

Everything is going wrong on the “Valentine in Venice” harbor cruise aboard the Love Bucket. First, the water is unusually choppy so people are feeling queasy. Second, the package deal, priced at $9.99 per couple, went viral as “The Cheapest Date Ever,” stirring up worldwide ridicule. Accordingly, most of the guests canceled their reservations and found other, less embarrassing dates, leaving the dining room more than half empty.

And, to top things off, a diner took a nosedive into his soup, just after the first set of sappy Italian love songs. The dead man was Payton Bookem, the slick agent for tonight’s dollar-store “operatic” entertainers.

Who killed him? It wasn’t the chef, since no one else has anything worse than indigestion. Was it one of Payton’s clients, the shrill and bombastic soprano and tenor? Was it his ex-girlfriend, who just happened to show up with her new arm candy?…